Happily Married…bored in bed…?

Dear Diva,
I have been happily married for three years. During that time we have had a great sex life, but lately the sex seems well, remote almost, like we just do it just to be doing it. I mean I still get off most of the time- at this point he knows how to make that happen quickly! But the actual sex is not quite as fun as it used to be? Is this how it will always be now?… Is that the price that I pay to have a happy monogamous marriage? How do I keep him faithful to me when I know he has to be feeling the same thing? Signed Bored in Bedford

Dear Bedford,
I do understand what you saying loud and clear. I was with the same man over a decade, and though you do appreciate the security that comes from being able to truly know someone on that level, boredom is an inevitable trade off at times. Sometimes, for us at least, it was just a normal dip in the passion wave and within a week or two things were back to normal with no real action on our part. Usually it was because something else was going on in our lives.

Talk to your man! You don’t have to have one of those big “event” conversations-chances are he is feeling the same thing. Practice a little “preventative maintenance” and bring it up when you can still be casual about it, those conversations are always easier to have then the ones that happen later if you don’t bring it up. Men want to please women in bed. Why not think of some things, places, positions that you would like to try out? Mention the ideas to him in casual conversation. If the rest of the relationship is good, you should feel comfortable talking about your wants and needs on the sex front, as long as its done with love and respect. Did you also stop doing some of the things you used to when you were first together? Sometimes it’s easy for us to get caught up in everyday and forget as well.

Another idea- Go away for a few days with the girls. Missing someone is a fire starter in and of its self.
Good luck and write me in a few months and let me know how your doing. Love Diva

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