Getting pregnant on purpose to keep a man?

Diva,

I am madly in love with my boyfriend. We have been seeing each other for over a year now and I think it’s really time to take the relationship to the next level. The problem is he is married.

Now before you go judging, he says they do not even sleep in the same bed anymore and up until he met me he just stayed because of the children. Now that he knows he loves me, he has been looking for the right time to discuss a divorce with her. He says he does want to leave and start a family with me.

So here is my question, I have been really careful about taking my birth control pills because I knew we needed to make a commitment first. But I got to thinking that I know he loves me and I am definitely ready for a family with him, so if I allowed myself to get pregnant it would solve two problems.
1. He would finally have to tell his wife and 2. We would go ahead to the next level because of our family.

So does that sound like a good strategy to you? Please write me back soon, I would like to start working on it for the New Year.
Signed,
Ready-in-Richmond

Dear WTF-Are-You-Thinking,

As stated above, WTF are you thinking? Are you thinking at all right now?
I have always stated “I don’t judge just advise.” You have gotten yourself in situation. I have been in situations where I did not think straight (However, none quite like this.) So as a good “Big Sister” would advise you…Um..NO, that is NOT a good idea!

Let’s take the first part of what’s wrong with this picture. You are sleeping with a married man who after a year of being with you, still does not seem like he is interested in leaving his wife. Now I am not going to tell you that marriages don’t end, or that there are not “name-only” marriages out there, and I am not going to tell you that men don’t end up marrying “The Other Woman” (Which is, by the way, what you are.)

However, I believe: A- That if he had intentions on leaving his wife, that would have happened by now. B- IF that marriage had/has a chance to work you are a severe detriment to that, and you have to live with that. C-You are better than that. You should respect yourself enough to not accept being 2nd in line with any man- If that is what “Good looks like to you”, I would encourage you to seek professional counseling I can not provide within this column.

This brings me to my next issue. The idea that bringing a child into the world in order to destroy a marriage and to tie yourself to a man that clearly does not want to be tied to you is selfish at best. It will not solve ANY problems but create more. Let me explain those to you.

  1. You will destroy a marriage.
  2. He will never trust you. You will appear devious, malicious, and manipulative.
  3. If that man does not truly want to be with you, and you trap him with a baby, he will resent you, and ultimately you will end up alone.
  4. Raising a child alone is very difficult, especially with a man who resents you and has no respect for you.
  5. You will wonder every single time he leaves if he is cheating on you.
  6. Your child deserves better than that.

Does it sound like any of those things solves any problems?

You want to know where you stand? Stop seeing him immediately. If his marriage is truly over, and he truly loves you he will do the right thing by you- and his wife- and discuss ending the marriage. You should not be involved in that. If that marriage ends because it was going to than it does with you knowing you didn’t contribute to that. If he does not do that, you have your answer. You were just a good time so he could have his cake and eat it too, and the sooner you get out of a situation like that, the sooner you will be able to look yourself in the mirror again. You will then be able to find a man that you don’t have to “strategize” over.

I would also advise you to prepare yourself for the slew of comments that you will get from my readers following this column. Not all are as diplomatic as I am. I do encourage you to seek some counseling to help you be strong and resolved when doing the right thing here.

Love, Diva